[... Wait. Seriously? Okay, now he's concerned. It isn't like Allura to joke about this sot of thing, he thinks, but this doesn't sound like her. Is it because she's under duress? He's not sure what to do.]
Do you know where you are?
[Ultimately, he decides that looking silly because she pulled one over on him is preferable to ignoring her when she's actually in trouble because he thinks she's messing with him.]
[You know considering that the contact pic looked like an extra from Liquid Sky, "Axel" is surprisingly level-headed. So far you're the pick of the litter, don't fuck it up kid.]
[He's doing his best okay. Don't judge a man by Nomura's bizarre standards of beauty.]
A favor? [In the middle of being kidnapped? As a reformed kidnapper himself, this seems like a very strange situation, but he'd still rather get laughed at than have Allura get hurt because he didn't take things seriously.] Um, sure, okay?
[TBH Axel doesn't fully understand his life, so where does that leave us?
He's still suspicious, because this all seems not quite like how Allura talks, and also he knows Allura can take care of herself... But even the best of us wind up in a bind sometimes, right? Ugh, he's fairly sure he's going to somehow wind up looking like a dumbass, but that's still preferable to not acting at all, on the off-chance it's an actual emergency.
Damn his quasi-conscience and not-quite-really-a-heart. Ish. Whatever.]
Uh. Okay? What do you need?
[This whole thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder.]
If it was a vocal performance you might never know the difference, but Richie's prudent enough to know there's a line between some prank texting and a full on impersonation of a teenage girl.]
There was an artifact we had to retrieve for Voss.
[Reeeeally straining his suspension of disbelief now.
He gives a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. He's really very sure someone is having a laugh at his expense now, but if he doesn't follow through, it'll be just his luck that it was legit, as absurd as the whole thing is shaping up to be.]
Okay. I'll go see if I can find this monkey, I guess. Um. What does it look like?
[Honestly, the fact that Nysa is so full of nonsense and absurdities is the only reason Axel is still playing along so willingly. Maybe he hasn't known Allura very long, but he knows this isn't how she usually talks or behaves, even if she's under duress. Besides, what sort of kidnapper has the victim make their demands for them via text message? Not any kidnapper worth their salt, if he has anything to say about it.
Maybe it's time for a test. Just to check.]
All right, I'll look for it. Would it be on the shelves with your bayards?
[So far as he knows, Allura and her Paladin friends' bayards are unique to their world, and he'd never even heard the word used to describe a weapon before they had met. And of course she doesn't keep weapons with knick knacks, because that would just be silly.
[Damn, no reaction. That could mean this is all a sham, or it could mean she's simply too preoccupied with the situation to pay full attention. Ugh, this is such a mess. All right, fine, if he has to go to Allura's, he'll go to Allura's. That should set things straight to some extent, at least. If there really is a monkey statue under the bed, he'll be surprised, but at this point he's not even sure what to suppose he can rule out.]
Okay, I'll head right over to get it. What should I do once I find it?
[Don't turn it upside down or rub its belly? For Light's sake...
This whole thing just smacks of absurdity, but... well, the fact is, there's been a lot about Axel's life that has been absurd. Not the least of which has been losing his heart and being inducted into the Darkness Mafia. So all things considered, a fetch quest and a kidnapping barter hardly even ranks up there. He's still not sure this isn't just Allura (or Lance) messing with him, but he stands by his decision that he'd rather be made fun of than for Allura to be hurt. So he texts an affirmative and then quickly makes his way to Allura's house.
Upon arrival, he hesitates at the door. Is anyone even home? Is he supposed to knock, or have they all been taken? Okay, breaking and entering is still bad, even if it's for a potentially good reason, so... yeah, okay, he'll at least knock, instead of just barging in, he guesses. Or... wait, no, what if the kidnappers are inside and that pisses them off? He's not sure why he'd have to be the one to get this artifact if the kidnappers are already in the house, though...
Ugh, whatever, maybe he'll just ask.]
I'm at the treehouse, but I didn't knock, cuz I dunno if anyone's home or whatever. Um. Should I just go in?
[Someone is home. And it's not kidnappers but just one un-kidnapped princess. Just going about her day, working on some of the final touches of fixing her, Keith, and Lance's house after her unfortunate power surge the other night. It's only pure coincidence that Allura is passing near the front door at this time, but it's hard not to notice when someone is standing outside of the front door. Especially when that someone's bright red, spiky hair stands out like a sore thumb against the green foliage around him.
So when Axel is in the middle of typing the next message, the door opens.]
Axel?
[She smiles, pleasantly, if not a little confused. And definitely not kidnapped.] Is everything alright?
[As he's about to send the message, the door opens, and he jumps, startled. Was this a trap all along?? Have the kidnappers been waiting here to add him to their collection of victims??? Well, they've got another thing coming if they think--]
Wh-- Allura?
[Buh.]
You're okay? [He reaches out to take her shoulders before he's really thought about what he's doing, relieved that she seems perfectly all right and not, you know... bound and gagged or anything like that. He suspected from pretty much the get-go that this was all moogle-puffs anyway, but it's not until he sees her unharmed that he really acknowledges that he was actually worried anyway, despite the likelihood of having been punk'd. He heaves a sigh of relief and squeezes her shoulders, then releases them and gives her a grin.] Who am I kidding, of course you're okay. Nice prank, you seriously had me going, princess. If that was a test to see if I'd drop everything and come to your rescue or whatever, I hope this means I passed.
Edited (how does spelling work it is a mystery) 2018-10-15 00:28 (UTC)
[She smiles when he squeezes her shoulders, but everything else makes her frown. There's a few times that she opens her mouth to interject but Axel's talking and she's totally confused, as evidenced by the blank stare that he's getting, and her eyebrows knitting together.]
What are you talking about? A prank? [There's a lot to process right now and she's kind of looking around like maybe somewhere to the left or right of Axel might contain the answer to why he's talking nonsense.]
Axel, did you possibly drink something strange?
[That's usually the most likely culprit of weird behavior around here.]
[She looks very convincingly confused, and for a good moment or two, he's sure she's just milking this little joke for all it's worth. And then his long-suffering grin fades a bit at her question.]
Drink? No, unless that OJ in the fridge turned or something. [He studies her face a moment, and realizes she really doesn't seem to be faking this confusion at all. He's not sure yet just how good a liar she's capable of being, but she certainly seems sincerely as baffled as he is, which adds a whole new dimension to this entire thing.]
Wait, you... Didn't you send me a bunch of joke texts, saying you'd been kidnapped?
[Soon Axel will learn that Allura has the worst poker face in the entire universe.]
Kidnapped?
[Where does she even start with this? Now she's searching Axel's face for some kind of a joke, but she just shakes her head,]
That's impossible. I misplaced my phone, so I wouldn't have been able to send you any texts.
[With the weirdness going on with her powers, it was easy to forget exactly when she first was separated from the device. She just assumed it was somewhere in the mess of their house.]
[Okay, he's convinced now that she is in fact not pulling his leg at all. He'll make note of this poker face issue, but ferret it away for later. In the moment, there are more pressing concerns. He pulls out his phone and opens up the text thread, then hands the device to her, shaking his head.]
Well, somebody found it, and has been having a grand time, to say the least.
[He can't really be angry. Like... well played, honestly. He's more glad that it was a prank than he could ever be angry that Allura wasn't in danger.]
[She takes his device, holding it close to her face, as if that will somehow make sense of the mysterious string of messages. Most definitely not her. But sent from her device somehow? Which was still missing, ever since...
Suddenly-]
Richie! [Her face goes from normal to beat red in record time, voice tipping into a higher octave as she scrolls through the messages.] That's right! He stole it when- and then we- So I never! Ohh!
[Did you catch all of that? Also, a more clever person might try and take this opportunity to try and get back at Richie and mess with him, but Allura is not that person, and she's already impulsively pushing the CALL button. Whether he picks up or she gets sent to voicemail he'll get a cheerful message:]
Richie, what the quiznak do you think you are doing?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Omg....our day has come friend!! Kh is close to my heart, i once played donald for a pal
omg that is amazing
Do you know where you are?
[Ultimately, he decides that looking silly because she pulled one over on him is preferable to ignoring her when she's actually in trouble because he thinks she's messing with him.]
:')
So far you're the pick of the litter, don't fuck it up kid.]
Not yet. I have a favor to ask.
this thread is hysterical and i love you for it
A favor? [In the middle of being kidnapped? As a reformed kidnapper himself, this seems like a very strange situation, but he'd still rather get laughed at than have Allura get hurt because he didn't take things seriously.] Um, sure, okay?
thanks for playing along with such trumpery <3
You remember the way to my house, right?
thank YOU for initiating more absurdity in Axel's life <3
Yeah, of course.
Wait, you've been kidnapped in your own house? Where are Lance and Keith?
[Now he's imagining all of you tied up in a closet like texting with your nose, congrats.]
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And wow, she's living with the other two dinguses? They better be keeping their noses clean...]
No! I need you to get something so the kidnappers will let me go! Stop panicking!
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He's still suspicious, because this all seems not quite like how Allura talks, and also he knows Allura can take care of herself... But even the best of us wind up in a bind sometimes, right? Ugh, he's fairly sure he's going to somehow wind up looking like a dumbass, but that's still preferable to not acting at all, on the off-chance it's an actual emergency.
Damn his quasi-conscience and not-quite-really-a-heart. Ish. Whatever.]
Uh. Okay? What do you need?
[This whole thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder.]
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If it was a vocal performance you might never know the difference, but Richie's prudent enough to know there's a line between some prank texting and a full on impersonation of a teenage girl.]
There was an artifact we had to retrieve for Voss.
It's a carving of a monkey.
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[Reeeeally straining his suspension of disbelief now.
He gives a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. He's really very sure someone is having a laugh at his expense now, but if he doesn't follow through, it'll be just his luck that it was legit, as absurd as the whole thing is shaping up to be.]
Okay. I'll go see if I can find this monkey, I guess. Um. What does it look like?
[Light give me strength.]
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[Is this really such a hard pill to swallow? Look at the other shit Nysa's been pulling, this is all humdrum as rocks and boulders.]
It's carved out of dragon bone.
[only INCREDIBLE STRENGTH OF WILL stops him from tacking an "-er" on the end.]
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Maybe it's time for a test. Just to check.]
All right, I'll look for it. Would it be on the shelves with your bayards?
[So far as he knows, Allura and her Paladin friends' bayards are unique to their world, and he'd never even heard the word used to describe a weapon before they had met. And of course she doesn't keep weapons with knick knacks, because that would just be silly.
Your move, kidnapper/Fauxllura.]
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It's under my bed. I hid it in a box until we could bring it in.
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Okay, I'll head right over to get it. What should I do once I find it?
[Assuming it even exists.]
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They're going to set up a meeting spot to trade once you have it. Please be careful.
[And he'll get radio silence until he shows up at Allura's house...]
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This whole thing just smacks of absurdity, but... well, the fact is, there's been a lot about Axel's life that has been absurd. Not the least of which has been losing his heart and being inducted into the Darkness Mafia. So all things considered, a fetch quest and a kidnapping barter hardly even ranks up there. He's still not sure this isn't just Allura (or Lance) messing with him, but he stands by his decision that he'd rather be made fun of than for Allura to be hurt. So he texts an affirmative and then quickly makes his way to Allura's house.
Upon arrival, he hesitates at the door. Is anyone even home? Is he supposed to knock, or have they all been taken? Okay, breaking and entering is still bad, even if it's for a potentially good reason, so... yeah, okay, he'll at least knock, instead of just barging in, he guesses. Or... wait, no, what if the kidnappers are inside and that pisses them off? He's not sure why he'd have to be the one to get this artifact if the kidnappers are already in the house, though...
Ugh, whatever, maybe he'll just ask.]
I'm at the treehouse, but I didn't knock, cuz I dunno if anyone's home or whatever. Um. Should I just go in?
activates our trap card!
So when Axel is in the middle of typing the next message, the door opens.]
Axel?
[She smiles, pleasantly, if not a little confused. And definitely not kidnapped.] Is everything alright?
it's time to D-D-D-dunk Richie in the toilet lbrh
Wh-- Allura?
[Buh.]
You're okay? [He reaches out to take her shoulders before he's really thought about what he's doing, relieved that she seems perfectly all right and not, you know... bound and gagged or anything like that. He suspected from pretty much the get-go that this was all moogle-puffs anyway, but it's not until he sees her unharmed that he really acknowledges that he was actually worried anyway, despite the likelihood of having been punk'd. He heaves a sigh of relief and squeezes her shoulders, then releases them and gives her a grin.] Who am I kidding, of course you're okay. Nice prank, you seriously had me going, princess. If that was a test to see if I'd drop everything and come to your rescue or whatever, I hope this means I passed.
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What are you talking about? A prank? [There's a lot to process right now and she's kind of looking around like maybe somewhere to the left or right of Axel might contain the answer to why he's talking nonsense.]
Axel, did you possibly drink something strange?
[That's usually the most likely culprit of weird behavior around here.]
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Drink? No, unless that OJ in the fridge turned or something. [He studies her face a moment, and realizes she really doesn't seem to be faking this confusion at all. He's not sure yet just how good a liar she's capable of being, but she certainly seems sincerely as baffled as he is, which adds a whole new dimension to this entire thing.]
Wait, you... Didn't you send me a bunch of joke texts, saying you'd been kidnapped?
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Kidnapped?
[Where does she even start with this? Now she's searching Axel's face for some kind of a joke, but she just shakes her head,]
That's impossible. I misplaced my phone, so I wouldn't have been able to send you any texts.
[With the weirdness going on with her powers, it was easy to forget exactly when she first was separated from the device. She just assumed it was somewhere in the mess of their house.]
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Well, somebody found it, and has been having a grand time, to say the least.
[He can't really be angry. Like... well played, honestly. He's more glad that it was a prank than he could ever be angry that Allura wasn't in danger.]
> CALL Richie
[She takes his device, holding it close to her face, as if that will somehow make sense of the mysterious string of messages. Most definitely not her. But sent from her device somehow? Which was still missing, ever since...
Suddenly-]
Richie! [Her face goes from normal to beat red in record time, voice tipping into a higher octave as she scrolls through the messages.] That's right! He stole it when- and then we- So I never! Ohh!
[Did you catch all of that? Also, a more clever person might try and take this opportunity to try and get back at Richie and mess with him, but Allura is not that person, and she's already impulsively pushing the CALL button. Whether he picks up or she gets sent to voicemail he'll get a cheerful message:]
Richie, what the quiznak do you think you are doing?
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Did you get—
[Ow, his ear. Richie goes still for a moment.
Then he's beaming bright on the airwaves.]
Alluuuura! Baby! Doll! There you are! He made it back to you, did he?
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That's my favourite icon
Richie gets the highest frequency of exasperated faces.
a badge of honor in trashmouth circles
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i can't believe we're still threading without axel on his own ic inbox
:'D I'm so sorry axel
you snooze you lose ig
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he was not snoozing he was BEING POLITE GOSH
At least SOMEONE IS
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