He's not sure why the imagery of Castle Oblivion changed back to the woods, because he can still plainly see the lines of the walls of the castle, even if they're faded, as though made of glass. It's like they're suddenly in a fishbowl or something. He takes a step forward and reaches out, pressing a hand against the translucent wall, but it doesn't give under his fingers. Apparently they're stuck. But... one thing at a time, he guesses.
Glancing back at Ryoko, he blows a sigh up toward his hairline and furrows his brow.
"It's complicated," he says, less an excuse and more a preamble. "Xion... wasn't like the rest of us, all of us who wore this coat--the Organization. She was a..." He hesitated, trying to choose his words carefully. There are no kind words for what Xion truly was, after all. "She was made," he finally settles on; "created in a lab, at the behest of someone who only sought to use her as a tool." He gives another sigh and pulls at the back of his neck. "We didn't know, for a long time," he says, "but... when I found out, I wasn't really sure what to think. She wasn't... real, is what my head told me. She was just a doll, filled with memories--someone else's memories, not even memories she'd made herself. Not all of them." He meets Ryoko's eye, looking kind of sheepish. "I guess that was the deciding factor, for me, though," he says, "is that even if she was created using stolen memories, she made memories of her own, with me and Roxas." He pauses, then grits his teeth. "I didn't care that she was just a puppet," he says, shaking his head, "she was--is--still my best friend."
He scratches the crown of his head.
"As for what was happening to her," he says, shaking his head, "since she was made with stolen memories, she... couldn't function normally on her own." It's hard to explain, but he's trying to make it as layman as possible. "So she was draining energy from the person whose memories had been used, and it was kind of... destroying both of them." Sort of. He doesn't really want to get into how Roxas is Sora's Nobody and all that nonsense. "I dunno how I could have helped her, to be honest," he says, avoiding Ryoko's eye, "but the fact is, I... didn't do as much as I probably could have, because I was afraid of what the Organization would do to me if I did."
It isn't the fishbowl reality that they appear to be trapped inside that weighs on Ryoko's mind in this moment. Confident as she is in her strength and abilities despite the odd disturbance she's witnessed to date within them, that isn't worthy of a measure of concern. Axel's words, on the other hand, are. The weight about them is near tangible, pressing down upon her consciousness. It stirs in her memories she'd just as soon let lie in the darker recesses, that she no longer lives in, that she has no intention of ever returning to live in because they are not her, her home, her reality anymore. She is no one's tool, no one's puppet, and she stands self-assured of that and then some for Washu.
This Xion person, though... Ryoko can't quite help how her expressions twists. Made he says. Created to be a tool... a doll, a puppet. It hits too close to home. She casts another glance where the girl pushed through those tall, white doors only moments before and frowns, folding her arms under her chest. She listens despite that hollow and the bubbling rage pouring forth from it. Not for him, but them, whoever it was that thought to treat that girl like that. Axel's words prove him with their persistence, with how solid the weight of them is for him when he speaks. She trusts that, him, and it gives her something to anchor herself to in a swelling sea of emotions. Emotions that include not only anger and something... else, but perhaps a tinge of jealousy.
Friends, like emotions, would have been deemed useless, unnecessary. She can hear Kagato say it and she closes her eyes. Aims to forcibly push that voice out of her head where it can't reach her anymore.
At length, she opens her eyes and sighs, rubbing at the back of her head. The tension still grips her. The complexity of it all grates on her nerves, but she thinks she understands well enough. She can make heads or tails of it where she once might've turned her pointers in opposite directions and questioned away.
Still.
"But you did something," she says, digging her words into a particular statement of his that stands out. "And she had -- has friends. That's more than any puppet I've ever known having, and now? You aren't going to tell me you'd do the same thing, are you?"
"Have you known many puppets?" he asks, though the question is more despondent and lamentatious than accusatory. At her next question, though, he looks at her sharply, something tired and haunted in his eyes.
Would he do the same thing? If he were to be faced with the same issue all over again... what would he do? Knowing what he knows now... there's no way the three of them could have just lived happily ever after, is there? Wouldn't Xion and Roxas have ultimately destroyed one another? Even before Xion had started burning through missions at fever-pace, before it had become clear that the stronger she got, the weaker Roxas became, they were both still drawing water from the same well. Could a safe, happy medium even be achieved?
Axel sighs heavily.
"I don't know what I would do, if I had to do it again," he admits, and meets Ryoko's eye, "but... I do know that I would... do more than I did the first time. Xion deserved a better friend than I ever truly was to her, and... that much I would definitely do better."
It's a question that chokes a laugh out of Ryoko as soft, as bitter as that chuckle of his. Has she known many puppets? She doesn't answer that question, not initially, watching him, listening. As she does, she stops trying to grasp the complexity of the situation. What she understands is enough for this right here, right now and his answer, well... that's more than satisfactory. She doesn't know Xion, but she hazards a guess that girl might think so, too. She drops her gaze after holding his for a moment, the corners of her mouth quirking upward.
"That's more than most puppets think to ask for," she says, a hand finding her hip. She lifts her gaze with that. "Try not to beat yourself up too much, yeah? If the Natha's set up here is any indication, who knows? You might get a chance to make it up to her."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
( introlog #5 ) strangerer things - Ryoko
He's not sure why the imagery of Castle Oblivion changed back to the woods, because he can still plainly see the lines of the walls of the castle, even if they're faded, as though made of glass. It's like they're suddenly in a fishbowl or something. He takes a step forward and reaches out, pressing a hand against the translucent wall, but it doesn't give under his fingers. Apparently they're stuck. But... one thing at a time, he guesses.
Glancing back at Ryoko, he blows a sigh up toward his hairline and furrows his brow.
"It's complicated," he says, less an excuse and more a preamble. "Xion... wasn't like the rest of us, all of us who wore this coat--the Organization. She was a..." He hesitated, trying to choose his words carefully. There are no kind words for what Xion truly was, after all. "She was made," he finally settles on; "created in a lab, at the behest of someone who only sought to use her as a tool." He gives another sigh and pulls at the back of his neck. "We didn't know, for a long time," he says, "but... when I found out, I wasn't really sure what to think. She wasn't... real, is what my head told me. She was just a doll, filled with memories--someone else's memories, not even memories she'd made herself. Not all of them." He meets Ryoko's eye, looking kind of sheepish. "I guess that was the deciding factor, for me, though," he says, "is that even if she was created using stolen memories, she made memories of her own, with me and Roxas." He pauses, then grits his teeth. "I didn't care that she was just a puppet," he says, shaking his head, "she was--is--still my best friend."
He scratches the crown of his head.
"As for what was happening to her," he says, shaking his head, "since she was made with stolen memories, she... couldn't function normally on her own." It's hard to explain, but he's trying to make it as layman as possible. "So she was draining energy from the person whose memories had been used, and it was kind of... destroying both of them." Sort of. He doesn't really want to get into how Roxas is Sora's Nobody and all that nonsense. "I dunno how I could have helped her, to be honest," he says, avoiding Ryoko's eye, "but the fact is, I... didn't do as much as I probably could have, because I was afraid of what the Organization would do to me if I did."
no subject
This Xion person, though... Ryoko can't quite help how her expressions twists. Made he says. Created to be a tool... a doll, a puppet. It hits too close to home. She casts another glance where the girl pushed through those tall, white doors only moments before and frowns, folding her arms under her chest. She listens despite that hollow and the bubbling rage pouring forth from it. Not for him, but them, whoever it was that thought to treat that girl like that. Axel's words prove him with their persistence, with how solid the weight of them is for him when he speaks. She trusts that, him, and it gives her something to anchor herself to in a swelling sea of emotions. Emotions that include not only anger and something... else, but perhaps a tinge of jealousy.
Friends, like emotions, would have been deemed useless, unnecessary. She can hear Kagato say it and she closes her eyes. Aims to forcibly push that voice out of her head where it can't reach her anymore.
At length, she opens her eyes and sighs, rubbing at the back of her head. The tension still grips her. The complexity of it all grates on her nerves, but she thinks she understands well enough. She can make heads or tails of it where she once might've turned her pointers in opposite directions and questioned away.
Still.
"But you did something," she says, digging her words into a particular statement of his that stands out. "And she had -- has friends. That's more than any puppet I've ever known having, and now? You aren't going to tell me you'd do the same thing, are you?"
no subject
"Have you known many puppets?" he asks, though the question is more despondent and lamentatious than accusatory. At her next question, though, he looks at her sharply, something tired and haunted in his eyes.
Would he do the same thing? If he were to be faced with the same issue all over again... what would he do? Knowing what he knows now... there's no way the three of them could have just lived happily ever after, is there? Wouldn't Xion and Roxas have ultimately destroyed one another? Even before Xion had started burning through missions at fever-pace, before it had become clear that the stronger she got, the weaker Roxas became, they were both still drawing water from the same well. Could a safe, happy medium even be achieved?
Axel sighs heavily.
"I don't know what I would do, if I had to do it again," he admits, and meets Ryoko's eye, "but... I do know that I would... do more than I did the first time. Xion deserved a better friend than I ever truly was to her, and... that much I would definitely do better."
no subject
It's a question that chokes a laugh out of Ryoko as soft, as bitter as that chuckle of his. Has she known many puppets? She doesn't answer that question, not initially, watching him, listening. As she does, she stops trying to grasp the complexity of the situation. What she understands is enough for this right here, right now and his answer, well... that's more than satisfactory. She doesn't know Xion, but she hazards a guess that girl might think so, too. She drops her gaze after holding his for a moment, the corners of her mouth quirking upward.
"That's more than most puppets think to ask for," she says, a hand finding her hip. She lifts her gaze with that. "Try not to beat yourself up too much, yeah? If the Natha's set up here is any indication, who knows? You might get a chance to make it up to her."